So Much To Say and Not the Right Words

I missed you my little blog. I am home. I missed my good husband and handsome sons. I missed the sea of green outside my window. I missed my fair house and soft bed.

But I had such a good time!

As always, Women's Conference left me giddy from giggling with my sisters, renewed and strengthened, resolving to do better and exhausted.

I wish I could encapsulate all that I heard and felt but here are some of the things I learned...

Be obedient:

When obedience ceases to be an irritant and becomes our quest, in that moment God will endow us with power. (Ezra Taft Benson)

Remember this when praying:

We can't have faith in our request (no matter how right we think it is) but faith in the Lord. (Carole Stephens)

How to protect myself and family:

Knowledge of the scriptures is an immunization against the evils of our day. (Boyd K. Packer)

And when:

It is in the still small hours of the morning that the Lord will speak to us. (also Boyd K. Packer)

On Friday night I reclaimed Emma from her lovely aunts and we went to Nevada. Emma and I drove the familiar road with my sisters and niece Deseret. Growing up, Marianne and Olivia and I spent many many hours and miles in our ancient cars on dusty roads with no radio. We mostly spent the time singing. We sang the old country songs we knew back then and it delighted me down to my toes to hear our daughters blend their voices with ours.

At my parents' house, I crawled between crisp sheets, fragrant from being hung on the clothesline. HOME. I instinctively slid my foot along the contours of the nearby wall, feeling the familiar logs. Home.

Saturday was spent in a whirl of family. For the first time in a few years my siblings and I were in the same place at the same time. We've seen each other in different configurations (usually me being the missing one) but it was delicious to all be together. Enjoying my smart and good and witty brothers and sisters makes all of those times we fought in the backseat of a crowded car seem small price to pay.

We celebrated my mom's birthday with food and memories. We had compiled a book similar to the one we made last year for my dad's birthday. We read aloud some of the stories and laughed and cried, often at the same time.

Saturday night we went to town to a favorite Basque restaurant, The Star. We left all the children but the babies home. I'm not sure how many cattle gave their life for that one meal but there was a lot of beef on that table.

My cheeks positively hurt from laughing but we were unwilling to let the night end so we reconvened at Marianne and Robert's house for ice cream. My brothers (who may or may not have parasites because who can eat that much, really?) did their best to put a dent in my parents' enormous collection of ice cream flavors.

Sunday Emma and I rode back to Salt Lake City and to the airport with Ammon and Melanee and my dear Grandma Jaynes. We were a weary group (can you get a laughter hangover?) but I savored the time chatting across the salt flats.

And so home. After being bowled over by Braeden's and Mark's hugs at the airport we came home to see what I'd brought for them (the BYU Bookstore and I have a great relationship). The house was clean and Adam had even refinished the kitchen table for me, one of my summer task, checked off early.

I am happy to be home. Back to husband and children (except for the flights I hardly saw Emma on the trip she was so busy with cousins). Back to teaching school.

Back to laundry and dishes and what's for dinner.

I'm back.

Girl Time

Since Emma was a little girl, when Adam and our boys have gone somewhere, we have “girl time”. At Emma’s insistence, this usually involves painting our nails.

It’s that wonderful time of year again when I get to go to Women’s Conference at BYU. This year I’m upping the enjoyment ante by taking Emma for some girl time. Instead of going to the classes, she and her cousin Deseret are going to spend their time with their uncle Enoch and aunt Jennifer. The marching orders I’ve given Emma are to play with her little cousins so Jennifer can direct her Getting Ready to Move time elsewhere. Emma’s thrilled with that idea.

As for me, I’m thinking of reconnecting with my old familiars, soaking up the Provo nostalgia, basking in the Good Word, and time with my Sisters (and I include my sisters, mom, sisters-in-law and cousin Hannah in that group). I’ll also get a bite-sized taste (about a day and a half) of my soul’s best home, Nevada.

I love including my Emma in this girl time. I will love being elbow to elbow with her on the plane, our noses in our respective books.

And yes, we’ve painted our nails in preparation.

Field Trip

This morning I talked to my brother Tabor on the phone. I told him we were going to the zoo. He said, "I hope they let you out."

(Yes, he's been on field trips with my children before.)

It was a great day for the zoo though. Sunny skies and thin crowds...mostly just toddlers and their mothers who were afraid of my over-sized children trampling theirs.

The zoo is always a good field trip for me. As you may know my sense of direction is sketchy at best but like the airport and Adam's office, the zoo is one of the few places in Seattle that my van can find on its own and I don't have to get panicky with Google maps and emergency calls from my cell phone to Adam's when I'm lost.


While at the zoo...

The kindergartner saw the kinder goats:


We saw spiders on their web:

A tree sloth:


A fruit bat hanging upside down:


Some gorillas:

some were very affectionate

Some flamingos standing on one leg:


Oh, sorry I think these were the flamingos:



Mark sat on a pretend flamingo egg on a pretend flamingo nest.
He said, "I don't know how the flamingos handle it. That is not comfortable."

I didn't tell him pregnancy isn't all that comfortable either. But I thought it.


And for some shots representative of my children's personalities:

Here's Braeden holding Mark in an affectionate pose and Mark's fist is ready to strike.


Here's Mark after he tore across the field to chase some ducks.


Finally, here's proof you can give the girl a day off school but you can't take the school out of the girl. Emma is using the gorilla statue's back as a writing surface for the worksheets she picked up from Zoomazium. She fills out information on animals and they reward her with rocks. It's quite a system. And she loves it.



If it seems like we didn't see a lot of actual animals, you're right. We really didn't. Is that requisite for a day well spent at the zoo?

Going Lighter

At the Pacific Science Center there is a scale that will tell you what your weight on the Sun is. I felt like I was on the Sun last night. I felt heavy laden and weary.

Yesterday was a day of flying from one thing to the next, always a few steps behind.

Yesterday was a day of reminding myself (again) to keep my big mouth shut (again) so I don’t make people mad/indignant (again).

Yesterday was a day of sad news then more sad news.

Yesterday was a day of Can I do all of this? Really?

I got home about 9:30 last night. I draped my legs across Adam's lap while he sat on the other end of the couch. We talked and I let his Adam-ness wash over me.

It helped.

Then he put me to bed and went to take a shower and leave for work. He had meetings in London starting at midnight and ending at 4:00 a.m. He participated in the meetings from his office in Seattle (the good news is he got a good parking spot). The company with desks made from doors is characteristically too frugal to fly him to London right now so while I slept my fatigue away, he worked. (He gets all of the jet lag of going to London and none of the airline miles.)

He called me this morning. He promised me he won’t fall asleep when he drives home in a few hours.

He told me how pretty it was to sit in the sunny misty air at 6:00 this morning and watch the water bubble in the fountain outside his office while he ate his breakfast purchased at Specialty’s Bakery.

I felt lighter.

The sun is shining.

I feel lighter.

I’ve decided that in addition to keeping my mouth shut, I will work at being kinder to other people when they forget to keep their mouths shut. I will try to listen to their hearts and their intentions.

I feel lighter.

Today Adam and I are going to the temple. I am looking forward to stepping away from current cares. I am looking forward to holding Adam’s hand as we walk through the temple doors and remembering he’s mine. Forever.

I feel lighter.

Grandma Moses

I have long been an admirer of Grandma Moses' paintings. Now I'm an admirer of Grandma Moses herself.

We learned about her in school today. She and her nine brothers and sisters grew up on a farm in New York. She didn't have much time for school but instead went to work on a nearby farm when she was twelve years old. She sewed, cooked, cleaned and made soap and candles. After she was married, she and her husband lived on a farm and raised five children. Her art (in all her spare time!) was needle work.

At the age of 76, she was widowed and life on the farm became too difficult. She moved in with her daughter. Because of arthritis, sewing was too hard.

So she started painting.

She painted until she died at the age of 101. She said, "If I didn't start painting, I would have raised chickens. I would never sit back in a rocking chair."

So I've been thinking about Grandma Moses.

How I admire people that can reinvent themselves. My brother Enoch can do that. That may be one of my favorite things about him (that and the excellent job he did picking a wife).

I've been thinking about Grandma Moses as I've gone about my daily round.

I thought about her when I washed dishes and laundry by spinning dials and pushing buttons and adding soap that I most certainly did not make.

I thought about her when I used my microwave, zipped electric clippers over Adam's head and a wet Swiffer mop over my floors. I thought about her when I pulled boneless skinless chicken breasts out of my freezer.

I thought about her as my van effortlessly ate up miles as I did my errands.

If Grandma Moses could accomplish all that she accomplished and here I sit with time saving devices coming out of my ears, I had just better do something worthwhile with my life.

I'll try, Grandma Moses.

Emma's Accidental Cheddar Company

The only thing Emma's ever done fast in her life is be born. Neither the doctor or epidural made it in time for her birth.

She's done things slower since then. She's always the last one out of bed, the last one to get started on her work, the last one to finish. She's hard to hurry.

Last night when Adam and I were telling her to GO TO BED when she was brushing her teeth/washing her face/kissing her brothers one last time/picking up something in her room/trying to find her night light, Adam said, "Emma needs something to be passionate about that rewards slowness. Maybe she should make wine."

I said, "Or cheese."

So Adam came up with Emma's future. Emma's Accidental Cheddar Company. She'll be late and forgetful and then realize the cheese has been sitting there far too long and it will be fine because she'll call it aged cheddar.

It's a relief to know Emma has a vocation.

I had my own experience with accidental food this morning.

Mark was positioned at the kitchen table in kindergarten mode (we've decided that's a better venue for him than the school room where his siblings are). I am taking a chocolate cake to Enrichment tonight so I got Mark started on his math page and darted to the garage for a cake mix. I know well that you don't leave a kindergartner for long or they will be gone with the wind.

I hurried back and checked Mark's progress and told him to keep going. I zig zagged around the kitchen from the fridge for eggs to the kitchenaid mixer back to the table to flip the page over for Mark and tell him instructions. Then why do two tasks at once when you can do three? I started putting breakfast dishes in the dishwasher. I crossed back to the table to produce handwriting for Mark then put the water and oil in the cake. It didn't seem like enough water but that's what the recipe on the box said. More dishes, on to phonics, back to the kitchenaid.

Then I realized that I'd made brownies.

Accidental brownies.

I pulled out phonics and went to the garage for a chocolate cake mix. This time I got an actual cake mix and I'd like to say learned my lesson about multi-tasking (or failing at multi-tasking) but I probably have not.

And really...accidental brownies? Not a bad problem to have.

Taking My Breath Away and Vice Versa

This morning Adam left for work before I was conscious. I talked to him later on the phone. I asked him how he was. "How are you?" he countered. He asked me if I remembered last night.

Then all at once I did.

Last night I woke up in a panic. I sat up and couldn't breathe. I just could not breathe. I woke up Adam and he told me to lay on my side. I was in too much of a panic to obey so he pushed me on my side and I could breathe again. Instantly Adam was standing on my side of the bed, asking me if I was OK. And suddenly I was.

After he went back to sleep, I lay in bed, wondering why I abruptly hadn't been able to breathe. I wondered why Adam had known that I could breathe if I lay on my side. I went back to sleep and promptly forgot about the whole incident until Adam reminded me.

Ever since, I've been thinking about it. Is there some cosmic reason behind this? I wonder. Also, when did Adam get so alert at night? When our babies were babies, I was the one that sprung out of bed at the least sound while Adam didn't budge. I'd go from deeply asleep to completely awake in a nanosecond if I needed to.

I got over it.

Now on the rare occasions that our kids need something in the night, Adam is often the one to help. And I sleep on.

My other thought is that while it's lovely to have a husband who takes your breath away, it's even better to have one that knows how to restore it.