Weekend

I don't know if I was in 7th or 8th grade, but I didn't have a lot of friends and I was invited to Tracy's slumber party.  It was a Big Deal, because I was maybe, finally, in the group?

It turned into a bad situation and the next morning I had one desire:  escape.  I went in the kitchen (where the phone was attached to the wall--remember those days?) and called my mom.  I asked her to come and get me.  I started crying.  When I got off the phone, I told the other girls that I was "sick" and my mom was coming to get me.

When we got home, my mom's half eaten cereal bowl was still on the table.  She hadn't finished breakfast.

That's pretty much everything you need to know about what kind of mother I have.

Jennifer Garner said, "I know enough to know when you're in a pickle...call Mom."

I would add and Dad.  

50 years old and I needed my parents on Saturday.  Every time I've called them while in distress, they've said the right things, they've comforted and bolstered me.  They've helped.

It all makes me really grateful and it makes me want to hold the line and pass it on.  The legacies of generations have strengthened and taught and helped.  Their good choices bless my life every day.

I taught Sunday school yesterday.  

It was stressful.

I get so nervous and hopefully I will get less panicky the more times I do it.

Adam is my emotional support.  I wanted to show some videos so I had my laptop.  He helped me get a TV from the library and while we were walking to the room where I was supposed to teach, he kept saying over and over, "It's going to be great."

The good news is that I survived it and the people in the class are my friends (I don't know why I forget that and they seem so menacing in my imagination) and they also make lots of good comments.

Also I prayed a lot and that helps.

We did a FaceTime call with Braeden and Anna and QE.  She cracks us up.  It's just fun to watch her live her life.  

Emma came over in the afternoon.  We had dinner and I taught my lesson again to Emma and Mark (after all that prep and worry, I might as well get some mileage out of it).  Adam and I drove to Salt Lake to see my parents.  They are working on the process of figuring out my grandma's belongings.  It's a lot.  They'll be back at it next week and my sisters and I are going to have a playdate and help.

It wasn't exactly a carefree weekend, but I'm grateful for all the help I constantly get along the way.  My safety nets have safety nets.

Grateful Friday

Sometimes I just think, is this my life?!?

Yesterday my diabetic went way low again and I was dealing with that and another student had a come apart and just left the room, like she does.  And I had, you know, twenty other students who weren't exactly model citizens that I was dealing with at the same time.

I had a girl sobbing after recess because the sidewalk chalk I let her play with got on her pants and her mom told her that if she keeps ruining her clothes she will have to buy her own clothes. (Imagine that last part being wailed inconsolably.)

I explained that chalk dust will wash off.

She countered that paint and markers don't wash off.

I agreed, but said that chalk dust will wash off.  I tried to play the "I'm a mom too, so I know these things" card, but she was not buying it.

I had Emily tell her that chalk dust will wash off.  She seemed more credible I guess because the sobbing stopped.

Then she said, "OK, but will you email my mom and tell her?"

So I did.

I have about 8 boys who are such rascals.  I had them turn around three times and go back to the classroom to try walking again to PE.  

During math, while they were seated on the rug, one of them complained that another was smelling him. (What??!) Another complained that someone was slurping in his ear.  They all like each other and they are just messing around, but they are making me crazy!

After school I compared notes with Miriam and Janelle, like we do.

Miriam had one girl dislocate another girl's arm at lunch recess.

Janelle had a girl throw up allllllll the way down the hall to the bathroom.

I guess you wouldn't be irrational if you wondered why one earth we chose this life.

But here's the thing:

A girl asked me if she could take one of my books to recess to read if she promised to be very careful with it and bring it back.

This is a girl who goes to special ed for reading and struggles so much in every way.  I said yes!

Also, yesterday there was a collective groan when I stopped reading aloud to them.  Let me tell you, that was a hard fought groan with this group.  It made me happy.

They also make me laugh all day long.

My reading group (that is composed of four of those rambunctious boys) have created their own house rules to a phonics game I have.  It involves winning if you are the toilet king and losing if you end up with poison.  They decided the poison was covid.   

Speaking of poison, I was regaled with dramatic stories about food poisoning from gas station food. I heard about the very exciting event of a grandma surprising them by showing up on their spring break trip.  She knocked on the hotel door and said, "Room service!"

The student said, "We didn't even order room service, but we opened the door and it was my grandma!"

One of Miriam's students is in a different reading group I have.  He has been in Mexico for the past few weeks so I was asking him about it.  He told me about the good food he ate and the things he saw.  Then he said in his enthusiastic, if slightly broken, English that they went to where Jesus was...he searched for the word in English for awhile, then finally found it...crucified.  He said, "And then we had a big party."

I'm pretty confident a thing or two was lost in translation for what actually happened, but I loved how excited he was about it.

My very hardest student got 100% on his math test yesterday.  That has never even come close to happening before (although he is a smart enough kid).  I made a big deal out of it and later he sheepishly asked me, "Are you surprised I got a 100% on my math test?"

I said, "I'm not surprised because I know how smart you are.  I am impressed that you got 100% though."

About three more times throughout the day, he would say to no one in particular, "I am impressed I got 100% on my math test!"

This is my life and I'm grateful for it.

Take a minute

I have a complicated relationship with one of my students.  She is super cute and charismatic.  She is witty and bright.

She hardly ever does any school work.

She shuts down and refuses to look at me.  It's like her bones disappear and she just slumps.

Other times she is representing our class in the spelling bee.

Almost daily she  comes up to my desk and says, "Miss Davis! Miss Davis! Miss Davis!" and she tells me some big or small important happening in her life.  Her megawatt smile brightening the room.

She hides in the classroom and won't go to specialties.

She does what she wants and she exhausts me.

Her home life is even more complicated.  

She came in hours late for school two days in a row and I felt bugged by her parents.  I didn't know if it was her mom's week or her dad's week, but why couldn't they get it together and bring her to school on time?!?

In a quiet moment when she was at my desk and I was trying to get her to do some school work, any school work, I said, "Hey, why have you been so late for school?"

She looked up at me and said in a small voice, "I was at a funeral yesterday."

"Oh no!" I said, "I'm so sorry."

She smiled a sad smile that didn't reach her eyes.

"Whose funeral was it?"

"My uncle's."

Oh sweet girl.  

Then she added in an even smaller voice.  "And today was just a rough morning."

It was reminder number 12,000 that I need to give people the benefit of the doubt.  I need to take a minute and seek understanding.  Or just assume good will.

She is ALWAYS in trouble in library.  She crawls away and hides under a table when the librarian is reading to them.  She won't sit where the librarian wants her to sit and is obstinate just because.  Every week.  

Pam, the librarian (who has an enormous and loving heart) said to me, "I can't understand her.  It's like she just has to be in control."

I said, because it had honestly just occurred to me, "Her home life is pretty chaotic.  Maybe she just wants to feel in control of something."

Pam squeezed my arm.  "I'm sure that's right.  Poor girl."

Then Pam walked over to my student and showed her a book and spoke kindly to her and they were both grinning.

It just took a minute of understanding.

I can always be a little kinder and hopefully writing this will help me remember that.

Making me angsty

Monday I felt pretty good all day about school.  I attributed it to having had a break, feeling refreshed and rejuvenated.

When I was walking to lunch, I hoped that since a certain student was absent, that wasn't the reason I was feeling footloose and fancy free.

Well, the student was back yesterday and it mattered.

And it wasn't just that student.  I had students be mean to others.  They were chatty.  My diabetic went WAY low and that was a bit of a panic situation.  I had a student just cross out every problem on her math page and turn it in like that.  I had whining.

Why is it always such a struggle?!?

Speaking of things that are always a struggle, I was making copies on Bertha (the copiers all have names and personalities).  There was a misfeed and jam.  I opened up all the little complicated doors and retrieved my mangled paper.  It still wouldn't work so I went and told Camie.  That's usually the end game with the copy machines.  We make our problem Camie's problem.

Camie said, "Ohhhh Bertha."

My student teacher needed me to fill out some forms on a BYU website and every college website I've ever dealt with is THE WORST.

It was unable to log me in so I called the fresh faced young kid (I'm guessing) at the BYU IT desk.  He reset something and I was able to get into the website.  Then, my student teacher wasn't associated with my name like she is supposed to be.  

She contacted her supervisor and the supervisor's advice?  Your teacher will have to call someone about that....

By that point, I had given up for the day though.  I'll try again.

Adam had meetings so it was Mark and me for dinner and I didn't have any ideas for dinner and I didn't feel like eating anything anyway.

I went to the store on the way home from school and patched together a menu for the rest of the week.  Gluten free, moderately healthy, moderately easy to prepare (nothing labor intensive on a school night please and thank you).  Also, it had to be something that...you know...tastes good.

Ugh.

I'm out of ideas.  Can someone just tell me what's for dinner every night for the rest of my life?

I had a weird hodge-podge of stuff in my cart and I got in a line.

The single senior citizen in the county who still writes checks just so happened to be in front of me.

Long sigh.

We got through that whole process and then her address on the check didn't match her address on her drivers license.  They had to call over a manager.

The manager explained the problem.

She said, "Well, it's not going to match until 2024 because that is when my license expires."

So there we were at an impasse and they eventually just said OK.

I went home to the train wreck that is my house that still isn't put at rights since our trip.

Everything doesn't always go so very well.

On the other hand, I have daffodils blooming in my front yard.

Maybe that balances everything out.

Making me happy

All of my students aren't members of the same church as I am (The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints), but enough of them are that I know I am teaching in Utah County.

Over spring break, the third grade teachers had a reading challenge for our students.  Here's what one of my students returned and reported with:

***

Yesterday was "student appreciation day" at school so a bunch of us stood out front with little pom poms and some were blowing bubbles and we were all enthusiastically welcoming the students to school and to walk through the big balloon arch the PTA had provided.  Bleary eyed children would stumble out of their parents' cars and be greeted with eager zeal.  Several of them gave me an, "OK crazy lady..." look.

Riley, the head custodian was out there like he is every morning.  A student walked up who has been a pretty extreme behavior problem for years and who is one of the ones Riley has adopted as a helper.  Riley said, "Hey!  You're here on your birthday?!?  Happy birthday!"

The little boy grinned and I considered how lucky I am to work with people like Riley who knows the birthday of the student who is always finding himself in trouble.

***

While we were gone, my new computer cover arrived.  

I've decided to name my new computer Vinnie.

***

I had recess duty yesterday and it was sublime.  The sun was shining and the grass was free of snow and it was even green.  The mountain is still full of snow and that makes me feel like I have money in the bank.

It's the little things.

Weekend

Saturday was full of chores at Pleasant Hill.  Adam cleared out the ditch some and diverted it so it babbles through the yard like it's supposed to.

We rebranded it as a brook, because that sounds a lot prettier than a ditch and it is very pretty.  I love the sound of it burbling along.  

The snow is melting, exposing tender green grass just poking out. There are some steadfast crocuses making an appearance by the back door.  They've been pummeled by snow and ice and they don't care.

We cleaned the entire house and I walked over to my parents' house and took a walk with my mom.  I borrowed clippers from my dad and tamed the Virginia Creeper that is by the front porch.  I cleared some leaves off of the hens and chicks.  Everywhere I look, I see the work of my grandparents.  They planted this.  They built that.

I didn't want to leave.  The longer I'm there, the less I want to leave.

We kept working; I even washed three of the windows.

Just three. 

Gotta pace myself.

We made 4 batches of funeral potatoes for the Easter feast and cooked 3 dozen eggs for the deviled eggs.

Emma and Mark arrived and we put them to work/they played loud music.  Then, they both went and took naps.  Adam and I walked down the road and looked at things.  The world is awakening.

My parents came over for dinner.  We were having chicken tikka masala, which I wasn't sure my dad would like, but my mom brought some pizza so it was kind of a potluck.  I crowdsourced my next Sunday school lesson and asked everyone what they thought about the topic and we had a good discussion.  

We sat around the table to talk because we don't have other, more comfortable furniture to retire to.

It is a work in progress.

After my parents went home, I enlisted help washing the dishes.  Emma said, "Or you could get a dishwasher."  We have one and it is me, but she dried. 

We brought Qwixx so even though I was tired from all the things, we played one game after the dishes.  We had some Jelly Belly jelly beans and even though I don't like jelly beans, I kept eating them.  Someone would eat one and try to decide the flavor and then we'd all find the same color and try to decide the flavor.  

I kept saying, "I don't like jelly beans."

And someone would hand me one and say, "Is this blueberry?"

And I would eat it, because I was curious.

I love the peaceful quiet when it is just Adam and me and I love the more vibrant energy when our kids are there too.

It's a good place.

I woke up early Sunday morning and sat by the fire and thought about Easter and worked on my Sunday school lesson. 

When you're terrified, you over prepare.

Easter was a lovely day.  We went to church in the Wells ward.  I told my mom after sacrament meeting that I was related to about everyone on the program: sisters, niece and nephews, second cousins and their children. 

We hustled home and it was all hands on deck to make the deviled eggs and a big fruit salad.  Adam had set up the oven to cook the potatoes while we were at church.

It turned out I made more food than I needed.  I was calculating the number of people and multiplying them by Braeden, but Olivia's boys don't even like deviled eggs. 

Marianne made ham and had the feast at her house (which was remarkable considering she had returned from South Carolina the night before, but Marianne is remarkable).  Olivia made rolls and brought steamed carrots and my mom made a big salad.  It was all delicious.

We visited briefly and then headed back to our house to strike camp.  It's a process, but it was helped by Emma and Mark being there.  We loaded up the cars and battened all the hatches.  The sun was shining and the brook was babbling and the birds were chirping and I didn't want to leave.

The seasons definitely changed in Utah.  It was 61 degrees when we got home in the 8:00 hour and my weather app has an avalanche warning.  I don't think we're in any danger where we are, but we haven't seen 60 degree weather since last fall!  

Ready or not, I'm back to school.  I'm hoping that I left detailed plans for myself because I can't remember what we're doing at school today. 

Grateful Friday

Like all good holidays, this one is moving too fast.  It's been so nice to wake up when I wake up and move gently through my To Do list.  

Yesterday, while Adam worked, I went on a walk with Olivia and my mom (Marianne is living her best life on a trip to South Carolina).  I did a little laundry at my parents' house.  I did a little cross stitch.  I built an end table from IKEA (and kept having to wait until Adam finished his meetings so he could help me tighten things).  I messed up the drawer runners so he fixed it at the end.  I said I wouldn't try building anything else.

Except in the evening we built two nightstands.

In full disclosure, while I'm talking about interrupting Adam, I got a little stuck backing out when I was driving over to my parents' and he came and pushed me out.

I think having me here is really helping his productivity.

Among my other projects, I am going through my computer and cleaning up things.  I was deleting photos I no longer want and saw a picture I enthusiastically took of the first snow in October.  I was so young and innocent back then!

I also saw pictures I took of my students on Halloween.  As ready as I was for a vacation, I miss those little faces.  I'll be happy to go back to be with them.

I'm grateful for this beautiful little spot we have to be together and find respite.

I'm grateful to be close to my family and to have easy daily interaction with them while we are here.

I'm grateful Emma and Mark are coming tomorrow to spend Easter here with us.

I'm grateful for Easter.  I'm grateful for the Atonement of Jesus Christ.  I'm grateful that He suffered for our sins and sorrows and is able to understand and strengthen us.  Here's another thing I found, that I had saved on my computer:  There is a success that can compensate for failure in the home, the Atonement of Jesus Christ.  

I don't know who said it; it was from Women's Conference at BYU in 2015.

"God be thanked for the matchless gift of His divine Son."