Always My Answer

Lately I've been wanting to throw a shoe or other blunt object at the chalkboard by my front door.

It's because of the quote I wrote there.

It's from Ghandi: There is more to life than increasing its speed.

When I feel like I'm racing to and fro late and harried, this quote really bugs me.

I have left it there either because I haven't had time to change it or because I like the idea of it...

I don't like being busier than I can handle. I'm not a person that thrives on busy-ness. I'm not. I want to read the stack of books I have from the library in the shade on my front porch.

And that's all.

But I don't.

Because everyone wants something. From me. (Well you don't, and I appreciate that from you dear blog.)

I am not one to suffer in silence (sorry about that) or to accept suffering very readily so I came up with a solution that I presented to Adam last night.

I told him I wanted to move.

He said, "OK."

I said, "To Europe. Probably Italy or France."

He said, "OK." (He's long suffering like that.)

I then explained that they get so many more holidays than Americans...government mandated holidays. They must have better lives. And my perception of Italy and France is that they have cultures centered around enjoying life. Eating copious amounts of pasta and good bread and chocolate. Sitting on the front porch reading the stack of library books. Things like that.

Aside from things relating to home/family/holidays/domesticity in general, Adam thinks about Everything Else a lot more than I do. I very rarely bring an idea to the table that he hasn't thought about more than I have. This one was no different.

Adam acknowledged everything that I said then told me all the reasons why that wouldn't be so very ideal...the Europe dream.

OK. I guess he's right.

But what then?

This morning as I was tapping my fingers impatiently while Mark was sounding out words in kindergarten (I'm guessing that's not the best learning environment) and feeling a lot of anger towards my chalkboard and it's mocking quote, I thought, what then? What is the answer?

Later I was driving down the freeway. It's a spectacular day here. It's the kind of day that makes me feel like I should apologize to the Northwest because I ever doubted her. I live in a really really beautiful place. The evergreens were holding court down the sides of the freeway, tall and stately, the shorter deciduous trees were filling in the gaps below with green green green. The sides of the road were a carpet of purple and yellow and orange and white wildflowers. Off in the distance was Mount Baker, white and regal against the bluest sky in America. Amazing. And I live here.

And there was my answer. Gratitude. It's almost always my answer. If I can just pause for a second to be grateful, everything else works out.

And I know that. It's why I painted this quote on my kitchen wall to remind me:

All the great blessings of my life are present in my thoughts today.

-Phoebe Cary

I know that.

So here's another quote (some people collect stamps, I collect quotes)

If you're not happy in one place, chances are you won't be happy anyplace.

-Ernie Banks

So I'll try to be happy. Here. Now.