This isn't earth shattering news either: some of the hardest things in life are the most rewarding. When Emma and I really connect, when she throws her arms around me, when she sincerely wants my opinion, when she laughs at my jokes, when I know she gets me, I feel like I just won the best prize in the world. Because wrapped up in this stubborn, independent, creative and talented girl, is my heart. It is walking around outside my body.
She keeps me constantly guessing. She is shy and then does something incredibly outgoing. She resists my every suggestion then does exactly what I want.
Last Saturday Emma participated in a solo and ensemble contest. She sang. She was extremely nervous (and so was I because, like I said, she has my heart). I knew what it was costing her to stand there and sing all alone and I knew what it was costing her to stand and listen to the judge critique her afterward. It took my best effort to keep a composed smiling face for her. I loved her dearly in her vulnerability. I loved her courage and talent and moxie.
Later that day, I accidentally stepped on a framed picture that was on the ground because I had been repainting the frame. The glass shattered. I picked up the devastating shards of glass and exclaimed in dismay at my never-ending klutzy nature. Why do I always do such stupid things? Emma, who berates herself for anything less than perfection, looked at me kindly. She hugged me. She said, "Oh, Mom. I've never loved you more."
Mothers and daughters. We know how to make each other crazy. But we also know that when we need it, the other one will be there with a composed smiling face and a hug, loving each other more.
Today my razzle-dazzle pie in the sky daughter is thirteen! Happy birthday brown eyed girl of mine.