This Isn't Me

I wanted to say, "This isn't me"...

...when I pulled leftover containers of unidentified origin out of the fridge for lunch and pulled into the Taco Bell drive-thru for dinner. I used to plan healthy meals. I used to cook them. I know I did. Really.

...when I climbed gingerly in and out of my van all day. Usually I'm not so infirm. Usually I walk a few miles a day with Stephanie. Really.

...when the ophthalmologist curiously surveyed my wrapped and bandaged toe. No this bandage isn't an over-reacting cry for attention. Yes, this is the result of my clumsiness but I'm usually not so clumsy. Really.

...when the store clerk looked at me contemptuously like I had leprosy and hurriedly and pointedly rubbed her hands with antibacterial gel after my purchase. I don't have a contagious disease. It's dacryostenosis if you must know. I didn't know what that was either but I'm not dirty or transmittable. Really.

...when there are dominoes on my living room floor, legos on my family room floor, a natural disaster occurred in my school room and I don't care. I'm just picking my way (carefully) through the mess. My house does not usually look this bad. Usually I make the responsible lego and domino and natural disaster parties pick up after themselves. Really.

...when I was writhing and crying out in pain in the ophthalmologist's chair as he probed my tear duct with a needle to clear the obstruction (dacryostenosis...do you love learning new words or is that just me?). Normally I don't like to make a scene or show emotion in front of perfect strangers. Really.


I've not been myself today. Really.

But I remember myself. I'll be back to walking and working hard and not making a spectacle of myself in public soon.

Really.