Grateful Friday

Yesterday I sat in the outer office (I was waiting to talk to the principal).  I was chatting with one of the secretaries and one of the teachers.  The teacher was also having a skirmish with the copy machine.  The secretary was messing with a fidget spinner that someone had left on her desk.  We considered all the destructive ways our students would deal with the fidget spinner.

I leaned back in the comfy chair I had been directed to when I started my wait for the principal and we compared notes on the day.  For my part, I had a student throw up (twice) inside his shirt because he was embarrassed and didn't want everyone to see and I confiscated the Kleenex because there were piles of used Kleenex all over and THAT HAS TO STOP.  From now on they can come and ask me for one and I can make sure it gets thrown away.

(I went to college for this. On purpose.  I don't know.)

Also, I'm probably going to develop the immune system of a superhero.

What I'm grateful for is the easy and companionable feeling of sitting in the comfy chair in the office and talking to the other women, battle weary from the day.  I know for a fact because I have witnessed it first hand that they are both in possession of big hearts and steely wills.  We are in this together because deep down, we truly love it.

(Just not the nasty parts. Seriously.)

Carry on

Every time challenges arise (so, you know, often) I feel a pang of guilt that I shouldn't be working.  Mark needs me at home.

Except he really doesn't.

If I weren't working I would probably see him more in a day but not a lot when you consider his busy schedule.

It occurred to me that maybe I am grieving (for lack of a better word) and trying to adjust to the change of lifestyle and circumstances, kind of like moving to a new city.  It takes time to feel like yourself.

Some days I get notes from students professing their love and gratitude for me.  Some days they hug me and eagerly tell me their news.  Some days the light of learning glows in their eyes and they are enthusiastic and clever.

Some days they are rotten.  They roll their eyes and are sassy.  They drop one of my books on the floor and mindlessly step on it.  They refuse to work.  They steal from each other.  They are mean on the playground.  They refuse to try.  They refuse to stop talking.  They refuse to stay in their seats.

Those are the days when I wonder, what am I doing?  Some days I'm scowling on the inside all day long.  (But I must have a passable poker face because one of them told me recently she couldn't imagine me getting mad.)

Every once in a while I get an inkling of it mattering though.  I had a girl tell me she wants to be a teacher because of me but she wants to stay home with her kids too.  I told her that was exactly what I'd done and she nodded in major approval of both her life choices and mine.

I taught them yesterday that brang isn't a word.  They were shocked and surprised and told me all the people in their lives who use brang as a word.

"Not a word," I said.  "Not. A. Word."  If they remember that one fact, I will have made a difference in the world.

The other day I was filling out security questions associated with a password change.  One of the security questions was your third grade teacher's name.

Everyone remembers their third grade teacher's name.  It was at once validating and concerning.  How will they remember their third grade teacher?  I want them to feel loved and encouraged.

I guess this all my way of telling myself to keep trying.

Five lists

Five things I'm tired of:

- wearing layers

- wearing socks and shoes

- the presidential election

- Facebook

- whiny children

Five things I miss:

- complaining about the heat

- being barefoot on grass

- warm evenings on the deck

- having all my children home

- walking with my friends

Five things I'm looking forward to:

- summer (clearly I have spring fever)

- getting some things spiffed up in our house

- BYU Women's Conference

- reading more books

- trips I'm daydreaming about

Five things I like about every day:

- reuniting with Adam and Mark

- overnight oats every morning for breakfast

- read aloud time

- chatting with fellow teachers

- texting my children

Five things I will remember fondly about this time in my life:

- being around school children

- hugging Mark

- Sundays with my college kids

- going to concerts at BYU and performances at PGHS

- free tickets to the Hale Theater

Face to Face

There are no two ways about it, diabetes is a pain.  Saturday night was rough for Mark because his infusion site was infected and his blood glucose was high and he didn't sleep well because his pump didn't want him to. (It vibrates and buzzes and chirps like a nervous mother hen.)

Sunday afternoon when it was time for the Face to Face meeting with President and Sister Oaks, I went downstairs and Mark was sound asleep.  We decided to let him sleep and we watched the meeting last night instead.

I loved it.  For one thing, Kristin Oaks taught one of my classes at BYU and I have loved her ever since.  It was a 6 credit spring term class so I had a lot of time with her.  She is wonderful.  It was a class where we were in classrooms and she would evaluate our teaching.  Every time she evaluated me, she'd start by saying, "First of all, Thelma, you look beautiful."

How can you not love someone like that?

What I really loved about the Face to Face was that President Oaks reminded me so much of my grandpa.  I kept thinking I should text my siblings and see if they saw what I saw but then I'd remember that they'd probably watched it the night before.

I've never compared President Oaks to my grandpa because behind a podium, speaking formally, President Oaks never reminded me of him.  But there was something about the casual setting and the way he gestured and the expressions he had.  After, I told Adam and Mark, "I feel like I just spent time with my grandpa."

It was a nice feeling.

I also felt very encouraged and inspired by the meeting.  I felt this love of all the youth by the Oaks.  They seemed to just emanate this awareness of the potential of everyone in that room.  It made me think about how Heavenly Father feels about each one of us.  He loves us.  He sees potential.  He is happy with the feeble efforts we make and wants us to make more.  He will help us.

So I was reminded of my grandpa. I was reminded of Kristin Oaks and how kind she was. I was reminded of my car pool friends I drove to Sandy with every day during that spring term.  (Two were sort of brash and from New Jersey and the other was from Arizona and had this aloof manner but we all got to be good friends.  I haven't thought about them in years!)

Mostly I was reminded that we are God's children and He has a plan for us and help built into that plan.

Not bad for an evening of watching a rebroadcasted video!

Weekend with Adam

When we realized Saturday was opening day of spring training, we scrapped our Sunday meal plans in favor of ballpark food.  Seasons need to be acknowledged.

We all wore Mariner's shirts (and gave Desi one to wear.)  I decorated the table with a succulent and a baseball (I didn't have a cactus and it's the Cactus League for spring training).

I also pulled out this pennant Braeden and Anna gave Adam for Christmas.

Desi was very patient with us, listening to us rhapsodize about baseball and Dave Niehaus and our favorite Mariners.

I never even watched a baseball game before marrying Adam.

***

Saturday night, Adam and I tried to watch Sanditon but I was sound asleep at 9:00 p.m.  I said, "I don't know what's wrong with me."

Adam said, "You're old."

That seemed like a pretty sassy thing to say for someone who is the exact same age as I am.

***

Adam asked me to speak in church in a few weeks.  I asked for how long.  He said 10-12 minutes.  I said, "That is too long.  I can't speak for that long.  I've never spoken for that long in my life."

(I mean, besides on the phone, to my sisters or Janet.)

He said, "It's not that long."

Friday night I asked him again how long he wanted me to speak.  He said, "I already told you how long and you said no."

"Well, yeah," I said. "That's too long."

He said it wasn't too long.

I pointed out to him that I had all the power because I could sit down whenever I was done.  I said, "You should find another speaker to add."

We will see how this drama unfolds.

***

After dinner Sunday we played Cover Your Assets.  I was doing quite well until all the rats turned on me and stole my assets.  I ended up losing and Adam ended up winning.  He had about 8 times as much money as I did.

He smiled at me and said that since we were married, what was his was mine.

I like that we're married.  (And not just because he will share his fake money with me in Cover Your Assets.)

Grateful Friday

When Mark was born, I felt guilty that I didn't have nearly the razor sharp attention to give to him that I had with his siblings.  I had these two bigger kids who took a lot of my time.

Then one day I realized that giving Mark Braeden and Emma more than compensated for my lack of time.

I still am narcissistic enough to believe my children are a gift.  Now I share them with my students.

We've been studying biomes and they selected a biome to research and write about.  A lot of them chose the taiga because wolves.  Braeden and Anna came to my classroom yesterday to talk about the taiga in Russia (Anna) and to show a Minecraft rendition of different biomes (Braeden).  They brought their sparkle and enthusiasm.  Desi was right about those two.  Power couple.

Anna was a natural.  They were entranced.

The kids loved them and asked a million random questions and I also loved it.  As a bonus, we've been reading about the first flight this week so Braeden showed some pictures of his visit to Kitty Hawk and told them about it.  He even showed them where it is on the map.  That's my son, using the map.

Mark wonders when he gets to come and I don't know.  For one thing, he has school.  For another thing, I'm not sure what he would share that would align with our curriculum.  I mean he's awesome at building and fixing things and cracking me up and he knows every song from the 80s but we aren't really studying that stuff.  (Also he knows some Spanish but my native Spanish speakers know more.)

(He could teach them light saber moves; they would lose their minds.  Maybe for an end of year party....)

Anyway.  I'm grateful for my kids.  It's fun to share them with my students and vice versa.

***

We went to Emma's concert last night and I LOVED IT.  Carmina Burana was astounding.

All four choirs plus the philharmonic orchestra were crammed on the stage and I spent the entire time scanning the identically dressed white girls who all had their dark blonde/light brown hair pulled back to see which one was Emma.  It was like Where's Waldo except way harder.  I never did find her and it turned out that where we were sitting made it impossible to see her anyway.

She was lovely and ebullient after and I would have loved to get a treat and visit with her like we used to do after her concerts, but Mama has a bedtime.  I love having Emma in choir concerts again. (And I wish we'd taken a picture of her.)

I'm grateful we live close to BYU.

***

I have been thinking about how fortunate I am to be able to do something I love.  It feels like a gift and when I consider the opportunities and people and circumstances who helped me get where I am, I realize it is a gift and I probably didn't deserve it.

I'm grateful for my education and opportunities.

Happiness is...

...two simple words:  no cavities.  Mark and I went to the dentist yesterday.

...finding the perfect resource to teach something online.  Teachers Pay Teachers is my love language.

...sunshine.

...seeing the looks on my students' faces when I read to them.  I just finished Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and I loved seeing their delight.

...serendipity.  I brought little Hershey's bars (the tiny ones with four little squares) because we were starting fractions and food always helps.  1/4 of a chocolate bar, you get the idea.  They had been telling me I needed to bring them chocolate when I finished the book.  It just worked out on the same day and they thought I had fulfilled their wish.  Also, they made little Golden Tickets to show me and I told them all they could come to my chocolate factory.

...Emma's concert tonight.  I've missed going to her concerts.

...outsmarting Mark.  He hasn't fully recovered from the exhaustion related to his show.  Partly because he has a bad cold and partly because he worked until 10:30 the other night.  Yesterday he was lying on the couch with his head lolling.  I asked, "Do you have homework?"  He moaned and groaned and said something unintelligible.  I remembered I had a Costa Vida gift card one of my students gave me for Christmas.  I asked him if he wanted to go there for dinner.  He perked up a little and said yes.

I said, "As soon as your homework's done, we'll go."

And I went upstairs and he got right to work.  I don't care how tired that kid is, he loves Costa Vida.

The thing causing me the most happiness:  Adam is coming home from his business trip.  I like having him around.