Happiness

Every couple of years I reread Simple Abundance by Sarah Ban Breathnach.

I love it.

Sarah Ban Breathnach is on my top ten list of people I haven't met that I wish lived next door to me.  Maybe she's in the top 5.

The other day I was reading and I came across this:

How happy are you right now?  Do you even know?  Most women know what makes their parents, partners, or children happy.  But when it comes to an awareness about the little, specific things in life that bring a smile to our faces and contentment to our own hearts, we often come up short.

I've been thinking about it.

Right now I feel pretty happy because Adam returned from NYC today and although he's a sleeping heap of man on the bed right now I know that after his nap I'll have an evening to spend with him.

And I'm happy about that.

But what makes me happy besides evenings with Adam?

One thing that makes me happy that I hardly ever get is quiet, alone time.

So why do I home school my children if that's what I want?  A good question with a complicated answer.

I do know that I long for quiet and aloneness.  (and permission to make up words like aloneness)

My kids are old enough that they don't need constant supervision or attention but they're just constantly here.  They pepper me with requests and questions.  Can I have a snack?  What is there for a snack? They're convinced that someday I'll come up with a different answer than fruit or string cheese or a Fiber One bar.  Perhaps I'll tell them, "Oh here's a filet mignon to snack on.  Or would you rather have a hot fudge sundae?"

Also even when they're on their own, I'm aware of them.  Are they doing their assigned tasks?  Is that their actual piano song they're practicing or are they just goofing around? How long have they been playing the Wii?  Is it time for it to be put away?  And if Mark isn't gone in the neighborhood somewhere (and I'm wondering where), he wants to show me his latest Lego creation or he's lost in his own world, flying a space ship and making incessant. shooting. noises.

I used to relish nap time.  The house was quiet.  I knew where they were.  I knew what they were doing.  I knew that the house wasn't getting messier somewhere.

Any chance a 7 year old, almost 13 year and almost 11 year old would relent to naptime?

I could have my quiet time in the evening after they're asleep (all I ask is a solitary hour), but that's when Adam's home and my energy goes down with the sun usually anyway.

I could wake up an hour earlier than my children.

But that would cancel out the whole happiness thing.  (sleep and I are extremely fond of each other)

I'll have to find other sources of happiness I guess.  And enjoy these snack eating, request making, chore shirking, Wii playing children while I have them.