A tale of two aggies

Friday night we were going to have our last family dinner for awhile.  Adam apparently had food poisoning and he was very very sick.  I had slept horribly on Thursday night and I was very very tired (plus the first week of school knocked me flat).

We both still wanted to go to dinner with our kids.

I told Emma she needed to lead the family.

We went to a new pizza restaurant Braeden recommended.  Adam stayed for a few minutes and then he left.

I ate dinner with my dear four and tried not to think about it.  They're leaving.  I tried not to think about it.

We all went back to our house and Mark and Braeden gave Adam a blessing.  It is an amazing experience to watch your boys give their dad a priesthood blessing.

We went to bed (me still trying not to think about it--luckily I was so tired that I soon slept).

Saturday morning Adam still felt really sick.  Mark was a buzzing anxious boy.  He was bolting around packing and gathering stuff up.

I had given up trying not to think about it, but I devoted my energy to helping him.  Adam didn't think he could go to Logan with us and it made him super sad.  I felt really sad too.  I felt sad for Adam but also sad for me because I wanted him there.  Adam went back to bed and Mark and I knelt and prayed that he would feel better so he could go with us.  Then I went and woke up Emma and told her we needed her to pray too.

Then I decided to call Braeden.  We needed the faith and prayers of everyone.  Braeden said, "When I gave Dad a blessing, I blessed him twice that he would be able to go.  I thought it was strange that I said it twice, but he will be able to go.  He'll be fine."

Braeden had such a confident tone of voice, I immediately felt better.  I told Mark, "Your dad is coming with us.  Let's give him an hour to sleep and then he will be fine."

So I sat on the couch with Mark's head on my lap and we talked while I ruffled my fingers through his red curls.

Soon, Adam got up and took a shower.  The kids and I had already loaded the van and away we went.  Adam didn't feel 100% better but I was so grateful that our prayers had been answered and he was able to go with us.  

On the one hand, it was a small thing.  We would have been OK going without Adam.  On the other hand, it felt like a huge thing.  I felt loved by a Heavenly Father who blessed us.

We moved Mark into his apartment.  We left him to unpack (he didn't want help even though my fingers were itching to set it up in the best way) and we went to Walmart for a few things.  Adam stayed in the car and Emma and I ventured into the craziest Walmart scene I've ever experienced.  The aisles were clogged with college aged kids and their stressed out mothers.  I heard mothers rattling off their list of things they needed and I got an idea.  Yes, a garbage can.  We need to get one for Mark because I hadn't seen one in the room.

I was grateful to have Emma.  I felt these amped up emotions and she was just steady and cheerful and helpful.  

We met Mark back in the student center where he was waiting in an enormous line for his student ID.  Adam sat on a nearby chair while we waited.  Mark kept putting his arm around me and telling me he loved me and I did my best not to cry.  No one wants to see the woman in the student ID line weeping.

After that, the kids walked back to Mark's dorm and Adam and I drove the van back.  Before we left the student center, a freshman looking girl walked past us, crying.  She went into the nearby bathroom and I could hear her inside, sobbing.  My heart broke for her and me and all of us making this hard but ultimately happy transition.  My mother heart wanted to go in and hug her.

We went back to Mark's dorm and met a few of his roommates.  There are six of them sharing the apartment.  They seemed nice but it also just felt sort of fraught, all of them awkwardly trying to set up their little corners, among strangers.  Mark walked us out to the van and that's when I did start weeping.  We hugged and hugged some more, then drove away.  

Just like that.

Later, Mark texted that one of his roommates also has type 1 diabetes.  It felt like another tiny miracle.  I have prayed for Mark as he's going to college and I never prayed that one of his roommates would also have diabetes, but it feels like a blessing that they will have each other.  

Sunday we had Braeden and Anna over for a last Sunday dinner.  Sheesh.  Did it all have to happen on the same weekend?

The spent the afternoon and evening with us and it was so nice and felt like just another Sunday and then I would remember.  Amy (Anna's mom) is in Utah, house hunting, and that makes me SUPER happy because we like them so much.  Amy and Natalie (Anna's sister) joined us for dinner and we had a very good visit.  We have a lot in common, including our love for Braeden and Anna.  We FaceTimed with Mark which was unsatisfactory, but still glad we could do it.  

We at last had a tearful goodbye with Braeden and Anna.  I love those two and I'm so proud of them and confident they will be happy and do great things.

It's just that I'll miss them.

Emma started getting her stuff assembled for her first day of work today and Adam started thinking about getting ready for his trip to California (he is driving with them, he said he is paying it forward because his dad drove with him to Connecticut when we moved there--it's good to have good examples).

I felt overwhelmed by everything.

It has all been a lot to process.  

This weekend reminded me that God is mindful of me and my family.  It made me feel grateful for the opportunities our children have to learn and grow.  It made me tell Emma at one point that motherhood was a trap.  You get these wonderful children you love completely and then they leave you.

Too hard.

I wouldn't change it, but still.