Where I'm at

On Saturday, Marianne called and when I answered she said, "Are you out of breath?"

I think so.

All day.

Everything feels like a lot.

Friday was back to school night.  Here was my classroom:

The projector on the ceiling is an exciting new development.  It used to be in a different location and I've been campaigning for months to get it moved and the electrician finally came and did the final work on Friday!

A few parents commented on all the desks.  Are you going to fill all these seats?  How big is your class?

I met a lot of my students.  Some of them were shy.  Some of them were not.  A few of them followed me around and interrupted me from talking to other people.  One boy quizzed me over and over again about how he was going to be able to get Skittles.  I have four students who are younger siblings of former students.  One of them gave me a treat and hugged me.  A few parents took me aside and confided real challenges their children have.  All I can do is gulp and smile and say a cheery OK!

There will be some language barriers.  I can see that already.  I can also see that they are adorable and have endearing personalities and I'm so excited.  I'm ready to dive in.

And also Friday night when one of the other teachers asked me if I was ready, I laughed out loud and he said, "Yeah, that seems like a perfect response."

In my other hand, I'm also holding the fact that Mark is leaving on Saturday.  Adam and I both feel this deep sadness over it and also we feel excited for him.  It's confusing to have so many emotions at once.

Saturday, I devoted lots of time to spend with Mark.  We went to Salt Lake to pick up the insulin that Marianne brought that Mark left in Nevada.  (It takes a village.) We also went to a few stores.  I'm at the shopping stage.  I think it is one of the stages of grieving when you have a child leave home.

In my mind, he will be fine if I just buy the right stuff.  And if he's fine, I'll be fine.  It's putting a lot of pressure on a box of bandaids, but here we are.

It was restorative for me to spend a good part of the day with Mark.  We talked about intense things.

Not really.

Mark just gave me that look because my kids are weirdos. 

We talked a lot about my new school year and about college and the state of the world and he told me about his previous night with his friends.

I think the upcoming week will not be easy.

Here's hoping my class will distract me from feeling sad about Mark leaving and evenings spent with Mark will distract me from feeling overwhelmed about my class.

That will work, right?