Revisiting

When I was in 6th grade and life was awful, Marianne would climb into my bed with me and listen to my troubles and offer insights.

It's a formula that still works...except for now it's over the phone.

Yesterday I told her all about it.

She said, "It sounds like you need to go read your last blog post about being grateful."

Yeah, I know. To my never ending chagrin, it's a revisiting that I often need to make.

Towards gratitude.

I've been feeling unhappy, dissatisfied, insert downcast synonym here.

Besides Marianne, yesterday I talked to Janet, my mom and at length Adam all about it.

Have I always been this needy? (Well, yes.)

I think I figured something out.

The anxiety about what might happen is ruining all my fun.

It saps confidence and enjoyment. It clouds reality. It's not heaven sent.

I worry with my children that I haven't done enough. I worry I come up short when I stand next to some measuring stick somewhere. I worry that they won't realize the potential I see shining in their eyes.

And it will be my fault.

Because I've messed something up.

See what I mean about this ruining all my fun?

When I write it out and look at it, it really seems sort of ridiculous. How can I waste so much precious energy worrying?

(I need all the precious energy I can get.)

After talking to Adam, I knew what I needed to do.

Revisit and remember. Remember the assurances I've been given. Revisit gratitude. Remember things that work.

Dial down that worry.

Enjoy Mark saying, "Oh I get it!" during math.

Enjoy teaching again. Enjoy getting a front row seat for the education of my children.

Enjoy the ride.