Grateful Friday

Wednesday I went to school feeling pretty awful.  I took some Advil and just got on with it, like you do.

Then, as the morning progressed, I felt really awful.  I felt like my head was swimming and I was struggling to be patient and struggling to string words together.

Also, I was paranoid about covid.  One of my students tested positive and others of them are sick and another student's dad died and several of our ward members have been gravely sick with covid.  I not only have had it, I'm fully vaccinated, but still.

I was worried about getting it again and spreading it to people I love--or to the people of people I love.

At recess, I went and told Camie, because she is basically the school mom.  She told me to go tell Jami.  She said we'd figure it out.  

I sat down in Jami's office and told him that I felt bad.  He asked, "What did you do?"

I said, "No, I mean I feel really awful."

He said, "But why?"

It wasn't a confessional and it was starting to feel like a bad comedy routine.  I said, "No, I am sick."

He told the secretary to put in an emergency sub request and Jamie came to help me create some emergency sub plans.  I couldn't even think straight.  She grabbed a pen and started writing and asking me questions.  Then my kids came in from recess and she shepherded them in and told them I was sick and leaving.  A few of them came to hug me.  Which sort of killed me because I was sad to be leaving them and also didn't want them to get sick.

I left Jamie in charge until a sub could be located and she is awesome and that is all.

I went to the walk in clinic and there was a sign on the door saying I couldn't come in if I had had a covid exposure.

I felt like a leper.

I went to a place where Jamie had told me I could get a rapid test.  I had a covid test and it was negative so I went back to the walk in clinic.  I was prescribed some steroids and the doctor thought I probably had a virus.  It always seems like such a stab in the dark.  He said, "Do you want a mono test?  There's nothing we could really do about it though."

I said, "So what is the advantage of a mono test?"

He said, "Just for the gee whiz factor."

I didn't really feel very gee whiz so I gave it a pass.

For the rest of the day I felt really and truly awful.  Everything hurt and I was dying.  Jamie texted to check on me and asked if I was coming the next day.  I said I was.  I figured I would take enough pain killers to make it work.

Then I remembered something I read recently:  You are not a robot, you are a human.  Plan accordingly.

I didn't really feel well enough to go to school.  It is SUPER hard when I am healthy and I was not healthy.  I considered that I was neither a robot nor a hero and maybe, just maybe, I could stay home another day and get feeling actually better.

So I did.  

I felt guilty about my sub because I knew it was going to be a hard day.

I kept feeling like I should do something but I didn't feel like doing anything and then I'd remember that was why I was home; I was sick.  Repeat all day.

I did complete some training and I watered some plants.  Then I was tired.  I took a nap in a patch of sunlight on the couch.

Sometimes you prove you're not a robot by checking a box or clicking on all the squares that have street lights.  Sometimes you prove you're not a robot by taking a sick day.

I'm grateful for sick days and medicine and friends who pinch hit for you.  I'm grateful I'm not a robot.